I Think I Love…Horror?
Embracing the fear
If you had asked me for most of my life what genres I like to read/watch, I would have said mystery, classics, romance, some fantasy, occasionally sci fi…pretty much anything but horror.
Like many writers, I suspect, I was an overly imaginative child, anticipating monsters and bogeymen and ghosts and yes, sometimes dinosaurs, where they did not actually exist. Seeking out additional things to frighten me, for “fun”, did not hold much appeal. I was already doing a good enough job on my own in giving myself nightmares.
Yet there were always exceptions to the rule. I dipped my toe into things that were horror-adjacent, but usually only when I could justify to myself that it wasn’t really horror. Sure, Buffy the Vampire Slayer had monsters and demons and gore, but it was more supernatural and there were elements of comedy, so, not really horror. Yes, I spent most of my time in college re-watching old episodes of The X-Files with my roommates, but that was more sci-fi — never mind the guy who ate peoples’ livers and cocooned in air-conditioning vents, or the monster that lived in porta potties, or all the other nasties that kept me up at night. Not horror. Definitely not horror.
Over the years there have been other, more generically streamlined horror texts that I’ve enjoyed, but for some reason, I still maintained that it was not the genre for me. Maybe I was stuck in some misguided idea that horror was “not for girls.” No one had ever said this to me explicitly, but at least when I was growing up, so many of the major voices in the genre seemed to be men, and even things like cover art felt designed to alienate me.
I’m very happy to say that both those things have shifted; as I’ve started to embrace my interest in horror, I’ve been so pleasantly surprised to find so many women at the center, whether as authors, fans, critics, podcasters, or advocates. Cover art no longer exclusively features half-naked women covered in blood, giving a bit more aesthetic variety to my bookshelf. (And boy, do I love me some aesthetic variety on my bookshelf.)
I think another disconnect for me was that I misunderstood the umbrella term of ‘horror’ and what it could contain. In my mind, horror referred strictly to slasher movies and demons/poltergeists, when of course there are so many other categories, variations, and subtleties. I’m still not really into slashers, and anything too demonic is a pass for me. But man, do I love a good ghost story, a compelling monster, or really anything adjacent to the Gothic.
If I had to credit any one text with helping me have my breakthrough to realize I might be into horror, it would be Midnight Mass. This was the first unambiguously horror text that I watched and loved and couldn’t justify it as being also something else — e.g. “Sure, there’s some horror, but it’s also historical,” or “Sure, it’s scary, but it’s also really funny.
Midnight Mass was really my Dorothy walking into Oz moment — before that, I’d been living in a world of black-and-white when it came to horror, and suddenly I was able to see in color, with all its shades and varieties.
And once this happened, I was able to realize that horror has always been a major influence on me as a reader and writer. I’ve even written horror novels in the past, without realizing they were horror novels, which might account for some of the feedback I got over the years that some of my books were a little genre-confused. With this new knowledge, I definitely have plans for some major rewrites of old projects…and one might already be in the pipeline. (More on that soon)
Here are some of the horror and horror-adjacent texts that have had a major impact on me over the years, in mostly chronological order (from when I experienced them, not from when they were produced):
- Dark Shadows (1991 Revival)
I know I will probably be shunned for admitting this, but I loved the Dark Shadows revival from 1991. Keep in mind I was a whopping 6 years old when this show came out, so my tastes might not have been absolutely top-tier, but it was a show I was allowed to stay up and watch (for God knows what reason) and I think the Gothic imagery and gloomy/rainy northeastern ambiance were imprinted permanently on my soul. I would 100% move to this town, even knowing it’s populated by vampires, werewolves, reincarnated people, witches… There’s probably a reason this show was canceled midway through season 1, but I challenge you to watch the scene where a young Joseph Gordon Levitt is playing in a cemetery “by himself” without getting the chills. Recommend for the campy nostalgia.
2. Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1997 Series)
I’ve already referenced this, I know, but Buffy played such a pivotal role in shaping my imagination and the way I want to tell stories that I can’t not include it. The series may be somewhat tainted now by the recent allegations against Joss Whedon, but I happily subscribe to the Death of the Author theory in this case and will choose to remove him from the narrative. Buffy was a generically confusing show — at times funny, at times heartfelt, and at times outright scary. Part of the fun of the show is never quite knowing which direction it might go. The Gentlemen from “Hush” and Der Kindestod from “Killed by Death” rank as the two scariest villains, in my opinion, but there are plenty of other spooky, creepy, gory moments from the show to choose from.
3. Superstition (1997 Novel by David Ambrose)
This was a random book I picked up at the local library, and when I say it scared the bejesus out of me, I really mean it. This is the first novel I can distinctly remember lying in bed, too afraid to move but needing to know what happened next. I’ve never re-read it, partially in fear that it won’t live up to the horror it stirred in my 12-year-old heart, but it’s one that’s stuck with me over the years.
4. “The Veldt” (1950 Short Story by Ray Bradbury)
I picked this short story up in high school and it made a mark on me in a big way. I’ve loved a lot of Bradbury’s work, and his short stories in particular, but this one is just so evocative and disturbing. I really can’t say much more without giving it away, because, well, short story, but be prepared to look at your technological devices (and your children) in a different way.
5. The Haunting of Hill House (1959 Novel by Shirley Jackson)
Shirley Jackson’s mind was a wonderfully twisted place, and though there are plenty of her works that could have easily wound up on this list, I think Hill House has to take the top spot for me because of one particular scene that still scares me late at night if I think too much of it. I don’t want to give anything away for those who haven’t read it, but the hand-holding scene is the stuff of nightmares.
6. American Gothic (1996 Series)
I didn’t watch this show until long after it had come out, but I’m kind of glad I saw this one as an adult and not as a kid because I’m pretty sure the “someone at the door” refrain would have put me in therapy. This show was weird, dark, disturbing, and ahead of its time–or maybe just out of time, since it never found the audience it could have. Lucas Buck is the Byronic (anti)hero of legend, and I still can’t quite see Gary Cole as a comedic actor even after all these years.
7. The Dead-Tossed Waves (2010 Novel by Carrie Ryan)
Confession: I never really got caught up in the zombie hype of the early aughts, mostly because I’m not much of a gore person, and I didn’t really get how something that moved so slowly was supposed to be scary. This book changed my mind. I cared so much about who lived or died and I was so freakin’ scared of those zombies trying to get in the house that I’ve since become a reluctant zombie convert. Zombies are scary. I give in.
8. Slade House (2015 Novel by David Mitchell)
This book is breathtakingly scary. It was the kind of book I wanted to devour in one sitting but had to force myself to take breaks so I wouldn’t get lost in a weird, morbid hypnosis. It’s also one of the most inventive ghost stories I’ve read in a long time, and one that really challenges the notion of how to stay ‘safe’. Highly recommend.
9. The Southern Book Club’s Guide to Slaying Vampires (2020 Novel by Grady Hendrix)
Atmosphere. Tension. Hendrix really takes his time with the build but by the time things start happening, they really start happening. I loved how unflinchingly gruesome this book was, and I was even won over (a little) to the gore. I also appreciate how there aren’t easy answers in Hendrix’s books–and this one asks a lot of uncomfortable questions about when we start to care about people and when we’re willing to do something.
EXTREMELY honorable mention to Hendrix’s My Best Friend’s Exorcism, which I also loved; I just read this other book first, so it was my first intro to Hendrix and has a bit more special meaning.
10. Midnight Mass (2021 Limited Television Series)
When I say I loved Midnight Mass, that doesn’t really do justice to how much of an impact this show had on me. I’ve watched it multiple times in the less-than-a-year since it came out. I forced my freshman comp class to watch it and write about it just so I could have more people to talk about it with. I know some horror fans think it’s too slow, but for me the real horror of the show (no spoilers) takes its time to build, and the payoff is the best, most gut-wrenching ending I’ve seen on TV. This show also made me a fangirl of Hamish Linklater and Mike Flanagan for life, so there’s that.
11. ‘Salem’s Lot (1975 Novel by Stephen King)
*Insert obligatory joke about Stephen King being the king of horror here.* Okay, I know I’m woefully behind on my Stephen King reading for someone who professes to love horror, but remember that for the majority of my life, I thought I didn’t, and King’s books are…long. I read this one recently, and even though the vampires are a little theatrical for my taste, there are some really juicy moments of genuine terror in here. The prologue is one of the best hooks I’ve ever read — I was absolutely desperate to know what the boy confessed to his priest and what happened to the town. One King book down, millions more to go.
12. Mexican Gothic (2020 Novel by Silvia Moreno-Garcia)
I love me some Gothic, and I loved what Moreno-Garcia did with this novel by re-appropriating the familiar structure of 19th-century American, English, and French Gothic novels in a way that puts the colonizer as the monster and really gives new meaning to a haunted house. I look forward to reading more of her work.
13. Nope (2022 film)
I really enjoyed Jordan Peele’s debut film Get Out (as much as one “enjoys” that film… I can’t really think of another word that encapsulates both ‘was entertained and disturbed by’) but this was the film that made a true fan out of me. As you may have gleaned from this list by now, I’m not scared off by a slow build as long as the payoff is worth it, and seeing how everything came together in this film was beautiful and frightening and thought-provoking. (Enough so that I will finally commit to watching Us, even though the trailers scared me so much that I initially stayed away.)
So yes, I am officially a horror convert now…so much so, that I’m publishing my own horror novel on October 18th, 2022. More details to come soon, but I’m very excited to finally be embracing my inner macabre little weirdo.
Are you a horror lover? Let me know what book or movie or show turned you into a fan in the comments!
Elizabeth Gilliland mostly believes in ghosts and other supernatural spooks, but she has a standing agreement with them to keep a respectful distance. When she isn’t writing, she is most likely sneaking classic Gothic novels into her class curriculum, or arguing why we need to value adaptations as art. She is also the author of the Austen University Mysteries, and she lives in Alabama with her husband and son.
